“Hey, look at that, look at that!” yelled Otter.
“What?” asked Muskrat. He looked where Otter was pointing. “Oh,” he said, “is that all?”
“Is that ALL?” asked Otter. “What is it? Have you ever seen anything like that before?”
“I sure have,” said Muskrat. “That’s just a boat. See the pointy parts on both ends? That’s the boat. Now see the dumb-looking lump in the middle? That’s a person, and that thing it’s whacking the water with is a paddle. That’s how it moves the boat.”
“Whacking at the water to move?” said Otter, dumbfounded. “That’s just silly.”
“I know,” said Muskrat, “but that’s the way they do it. Don’t pay any attention; they’ll just go past. Sometimes they slow down and point at us, but that’s all they do.”
“Are you sure?” said Otter, looking suspiciously at the boat.
“That’s it,” said Muskrat. “Oh, and if they go past in one direction, just wait, because they’ll come back in the other direction later. They’re not trying to get anywhere.”
“Why not?” asked Otter.
“How should I know?” said Muskrat. “That’s just what always happens.”
“I can tell you why not,” said Magpie, who was sitting on a branch above them. “And you’re going to be seeing a lot more of those boats today. They’re called ‘kayaks’, by the way.”
“Are you feeling okay, Magpie?” asked Otter.
“Of course I am, why?” asked Magpie.
“You just coughed.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Sure you did, just when you were going to tell us what the boats are called.”
“Kayaks.”
“There you go again, Magpie. Is your throat sore?”
“I’m not coughing,” said Magpie brusquely. “That’s the name of those boats. ‘Kay. Yaks.’ See what I’m trying to say?”
“Oh,” said Otter. “I guess I understand. Why are the boats named after a cough?”
“How should I know?” said Magpie. “That’s just what they’re called.”
“IIIII can telllll you whyyyyy,” said a deep voice from the river. It was Manatee, who usually lived a long way down the river, but sometimes swam slowly up to visit. “It’s a word that comes from farrrr, farrrrr awayyyyy. I have a thirrrrd cousin, Wallllrussssss, who sometimes visits and told me alllllll about it.”
“Oh, hi Manatee,” said Otter. “Hey, I’ve just thought of a game we could play with those things. The kay-yaks.”
“Uh-oh,” said Magpie, who had a pretty good idea of the kinds of games Otter usually thought of.
“Ooh, ooh, a game!” said Muskrat. “I love games! What is it, Otter, what is it?”
“We can’t play it all by ourselves,” said Otter. “Manatee, we need you to play too.”
“Mmmmmmmaybeee,” said Manatee slowly. He knew something about Otter’s games too.
“Okay, here’s what we do,” said Otter. “Manatee, you swim down deep, underneath one of those things. Then Muskrat, you and I swim over and do tricks so the person looks at us. Then Manatee, you swim up underneath the kay-yak and tip it over!”
Manatee and Magpie had to wait several minutes to say anything, because Otter and Muskrat were laughing so hard they had to hold each other up.
“That’s a terrible idea,” said Magpie, eventually. “First of all, it’s just not very nice. I don’t think people can swim unless they’re in one of those boats. And second of all, it’s not even a game. It’s just playing a trick.”
“It’s a game,” said Otter, “we get points. That makes it a game.”
“Points?” asked Magpie.
“Um, right,” said Otter. “Your job, Magpie, is to watch. You decide who does the best trick; me or Muskrat, and whoever does gets a point. Then when Manatee tips over the kay-yak, if it bounces into the air that’s three points. If it tips over end-to-end, that’s two points. If it rolls over sideways, that’s one point.”
“Howwww about nnnnnnooooo pointsss at allllll,” said Manatee. “I’mmmmm nnnnnnot pllllayyyinggggg. It’ssss mmmmeannnnn.”
“I’m not playing either,” said Magpie, “and you just made up that thing about points because I said it wasn’t a game.”
“Did not,” said Otter.
“Did so,” said Muskrat automatically.
“Did not,” said Otter.
“Did so.”
“Oh here we go,” sighed Magpie, rolling her eyes. Sure enough, Otter and Muskrat played “Did not did so” for several minutes until they started laughing so hard they couldn’t talk.
“How about we play some other kind of trick?” said Muskrat.
“Okay, what is it?” asked Otter.
“No, wait, I have a great trick you can play,” said Magpie.
Otter and Muskrat, who both thought Magpie was very smart indeed (Magpie thought the same thing), were sure her idea would be good. “Tell us, tell us!” said Otter.
“Okay,” said Magpie, “now look up the river. See all those kayaks heading this way?”
“Holy mudpies,” said Muskrat. “I’ve never seen so many. What’s going on?”
“That’s what I was about to tell you, two or three laughing fits ago,” said Magpie. “I said you were going to be seeing a lot more kayaks today. That’s because today is the kayakathon.”
“Gesundheit,” said Otter.
“I didn’t sneeze,” said Magpie, “I said the thing that’s going on — and the reason why you’re going to see a lot of kayaks — is that it’s a kay. yak. a. thon.”
“Oh,” said Otter. “Well you can save my ‘gesundheit’ for the next time you sneeze and I’m not around to say it. But what exactly is a kay… a kaya… what you said?”
“It’s where a lot of people bring their kayaks to the same place, then they get in them and paddle around together,” explained Magpie.
“That,” said Manatee, “is not a rrrealllll explanationnnnn, Magpieeee. It’ssss jusst a desscriptionnnn.”
Magpie blinked. “Oh,” she said, “I suppose it is. But it’s the best I’ve got. Sorry.”
“That’ssss quite alllllright,” said Manatee, “the unnderlyyyinggg rrreassonninggg probablyyy hasss somethinggg to dooo with invokingggg socialll innteractionnnn forr group validationnnn of individuallll impulsssesss to engage in pleasurablllllle activitiesssss. It’sss a forrrm of ex-post-facto jusstificatoryyyy reasoningggg, you knowwwww.”
Otter looked at Muskrat. Muskrat looked at Otter. They both looked at Magpie, who looked back. Finally they all turned to Manatee and said “Oh.”
“Hey,” said Otter, “Magpie, you were going to tell us about a better trick.”
“Right,” said Magpie. “Here it is. Those people love to watch you guys having fun. So for the first couple of kayaks, Otter and Muskrat should put on a great little show. Do your best tricks. Then sneak out of the water and go play in the brook for the rest of the day. They can’t see the brook from the river. So they’ll all be looking for you, but they’ll never see you.”
“We get to play all day?” said Otter.
“The brook is fun,” said Muskrat.
“I’ll do it,” said Otter.
“Me too,” said Muskrat.
“You’d better get to it then,” said Magpie, “Here come the first few kayaks.”
Otter and Muskrat swam out near the kayaks and did their best tricks. Otter even jumped right over the front of one of the kayaks. Then, when Magpie waved her wing at them, they swam underwater until they were far enough away from the kayaks that nobody could see them. They snuck over to the brook, giggling the whole time.
“That wasss a good ideaaa,” said Manatee to Magpie. “Theyy can’t get in troublllle overrr therrrre.”
“Oh, they probably can,” said Magpie, “just less trouble.”
Magpie wondered what the rumbling sound was for a moment, then realized. It was Manatee laughing.
