“The thing is, Pooh,” said Christopher Robin, “the thing is that I just can’t decide.”
“Decide about what, Christopher Robin?” asked Pooh, who hadn’t really been listening.
“About butter and syrup or strawberries, silly old bear,” said Christopher Robin kindly. “I was just saying I’m going to have a nice waffle to eat, and I can’t decide what topping I want.”
“Honey would be nice,” said Pooh helpfully.
“Well I think,” said Tigger — everyone was there, including Tigger — “that none of that is what Tiggers like best.”
“Ooh,” said Roo, “Christopher Robin! You’re waffling about waffles! Waffling about waffles, Mama!”
“Yes, dear,” said Kanga, “I suppose he is. That’s very clever, Roo.”
Roo, who was delighted to be called clever, hopped onto Tigger, who bounced, and the two of them rolled off to a distant corner bouncing and hopping back and forth.
“I say,” said Owl, “the subject of waffles is rather close to a favorite Uncle of mine. This was Uncle Ramses, who lived near a fellow named John Steven Farmer. This was back near the turn of the Century, of course…”
“Owl,” interrupted Pooh, “what is a Century, and which way did it turn?”
“Oh,” said Owl, who was slightly flummoxed by the question, “a Century is a very large, er, wagon, Pooh, and like any wagon it turns whichever way its driver steers. I imagine that this Farmer fellow was driving the wagon, you see, when Uncle Ramses…”
“Thank you, Owl,” said Pooh.
“I see it already,” said Eeyore, “the wagon was full of waffles, turned too sharply, tipped over, and then your Uncle got to eat the spilled waffles. Does that about say it, Owl? Not that it matters, of course,” he added bitterly.
“Well, er, not exactly, Eeyore,” said Owl, who went on to explain that although the wagon had tipped over, and Uncle Ramses had dined on spilled waffles, which even to his own surprise he had quite enjoyed — and enjoyed enough to find a recipe for waffles which was much beloved in Owl’s family to this very day — the issue in question was really whether there had been too sharp a turn or if perhaps an unexpected rock had played a central role in the disaster…”
Rabbit’s ears began to droop as Owl waffled on. Then, noticing that description, Rabbit brightened up and pointed out that now Owl was waffling about waffles too.
“‘Waffling’ as in ‘talking nonsense’,” said Eeyore. “Very clever, Rabbit.”
Even though he wasn’t sure whether Eeyore really meant it, Rabbit decided to be just as pleased as Roo at being called “clever”.
“But I still can’t decide,” said Christopher Robin.
Eeyore swished his tail while Owl started in again — talking, that is — but this time about his great-aunt Sophia, who could never make decisions, and about how not-being-able-to-decide was a state of mind not unlike that period on Christmas Eve when you knew you would be getting gifts but you didn’t know what they might turn out to be, and how Christopher Robin’s problem about the waffles was very much like that…
Piglet tugged Pooh’s paw to get his attention. Pooh, who had been dreaming about his jars of honey — as he often did when Owl started talking and went on for Some Time — opened his eyes and whispered “Hullo, Piglet, what is it?”
“Pooh,” said Piglet, “it’s Owl. He’s waffling again. But this time, Pooh, Owl is waffling about waffling about waffles!”
Pooh laughed out loud, which startled Owl so much he stopped waffling about waffling about waffles.
“Piglet,” said Pooh, “you are the cleverest of all!” Piglet was so happy he turned pink all the way up to the very tips of his ears.
—
Footnote: John Stephen Farmer was the author of the 1900 Public School Word-Book that explained that “to waffle” was “to talk nonsense.” That’s what “waffling” still means, at least in some places.
