“Ferret, you really should stop taking Sally’s doll clothes,” said Dog. “Sooner or later you’re going to lose something and then you’ll be in trouble.”
“Will not,” said Ferret, who was trying on a space suit. “I’ve never lost any part of a costume. Not even a hat.”
“I’m just warning you,” said Dog. “One of the Pet rules is that you’re supposed to make sure nothing disappears. Or at least if it does, it’s not your fault.”
“Sally doesn’t even know I like to wear her costumes,” said Ferret. “And I only use the ones she hasn’t touched in a long time.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure that she doesn’t know,” said Dog. “People can’t surprise you very often, but every once in a while they do. Like the time Andy found out I can talk.”
“What?” said Ferret, “he knows you can talk?”
“He knew I could talk,” said Dog. “He doesn’t know it any more. Or, well, really he just talked himself into thinking he made it up. When he got older, I mean.”
“What happened?” asked Ferret, who was so interested he forgot to finish tying his space boot.
“You know how slow humans are, right?” said Dog.
“You’re not kidding,” said Ferret, “Sally can’t ever catch me unless I let her.”
“True,” said Dog, “but that’s not the kind of slow I mean. I mean they take practically forever to grow up. When they’re babies they can’t do anything at all, and it takes them years and years to learn the simplest things.”
“Oh. I guess you’re right; I hadn’t thought about that before. Is that why they’re so hard to train?”
“Probably,” said Dog. “I’d say they’re just about impossible to train, except for basic tricks. They’re pretty good at delivering food on demand, but more complicated things? Well, I think most of those might just be too difficult. They just can’t manage them no matter how hard you try. And that’s where my story starts.”
“Finally,” sighed Ferret.
“Oh hush,” said Dog. “This goes back to when I first moved in here. I was a young pup, and I didn’t know about how limited humans were. I was trying to train Andy, and I didn’t know why nothing I tried was working. I finally decided he just wasn’t going to be able to learn how to talk, so I took a couple of days and learned his language instead.”
“I was wondering about that with Sally,” said Ferret, “you mean she’s never going to be able to talk?”
“Afraid not. None of them seem to ever get it.”
“Shucks,” said Ferret. “I really like Sally. I’ve been looking forward to actually talking to her.”
“You could learn that stuff they call talking,” said Dog. “You have to be careful though; they can be dangerous when they finally grow up, and you know the rule about letting them know too much.”
“But that’s what you did, right?” said Ferret. “By accident?”
“Yup,” said Dog. “I was practicing, and Andy heard me. I still remember when he walked in and said ‘you can talk?’ It was pretty funny, really.”
“What did you do?” asked Ferret.
“I was young and silly,” said Dog, “but I knew the rules. So I kept my mouth shut and just started a game of wrestling. Andy was little too, and he mostly just wanted to play all the time. So he did. A few times after that, when I was alone with him, he tried to get me to say something in his language again, but eventually he stopped. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even remember it any more.”
“But Dog,” said Ferret, “why did you bother to learn how to talk like them anyway?”
“Sometimes it comes in handy,” said Dog. “I can pretend to be his mom and call Andy from another room, and he’ll come see me. Also they have that over on the wall they call a “phone.” You can use it to talk to them because they can’t see who you are.”
“Why would you want to do that?” asked Ferret.
“Usually you don’t,” said Dog, “but one time I ordered pizza, just to see if it would work.”
“Oh. What’s pizza?”
“It’s almost like food,” said Dog. “It’s okay. Not great.”
“So what it comes down to,” said Ferret, “is if I want to really talk with Sally I’m going to have to use her way of speaking, and I’ll have to keep it super secret?”
“Yup.”
“Hmmm.” said Ferret. “They never really have anything interesting to say, do they?”
“Not so far.”
“Oh well,” said Ferret. “At least I can stop wasting my time trying to do any training.”
“Right,” said Dog, “it’s disappointing, but they just can’t learn very much.”
“At least I can keep using these costumes, though,” said Ferret, cheering up.
“I guess,” said Dog, “just remember to put everything back where you found it.”
“I never lose anything,” said Ferret, strutting out of the room.
“Ferret,” called Dog.
“What?” said Ferret, peeking back through the door.
“Here,” said Dog, “one of the gloves from Sally’s space suit. You lost…I mean you left it over here. Make sure you put it back.”
