Pylimitics

Hedgehog was worried. 

“I’m worried,” he said to Squirrel.

“What is it this time?” asked Squirrel, who sometimes found Hedgehog’s constant worrying a bit tedious.

“I’m worried about the invasion.”

“What did you say?” asked Squirrel, astonished.

“The invasion. I think it’s going to happen today, and I’m worried. Sure, I’m small; I can probably hide until it’s all over, but what about you? Everybody sees you all the time, leaping around in the trees. And what about Beaver? His house is really big and everybody knows where it is. He can’t hide.”

“Hang on just a moment,” said Squirrel, “what’s all this about an invasion?”

“Magpie mentioned it,” said Hedgehog. “A couple of days ago. And this is when she said it was going to happen.”

Squirrel thought for a moment. Magpie spent a lot of time in the town listening to conversations between people. She often brought news to her friends in the forest, but Squirrel remembered a few times when Magpie had gotten things wrong. She didn’t have ears as good as Hare’s. Squirrel wondered, for the millionth time, where Hare might be; he’d hopped away weeks ago. She shook her head to clear it.

“Hedgehog, can you tell me exactly what Magpie said?”

“I’ll try,” said Hedgehog, “but I worry that I might not remember it exactly.”

“That’s okay, just tell me what you remember.”

“Magpie said it was going to happen Tuesday, and that’s today, right?”

“Yes, this is Tuesday.”

“Good. I was worried because sometimes I’m not quite sure what day it is.”

“What else did Magpie say, Hedgehog?”

“Magpie said Tuesday would be the end of the march.”

“What march?”

“I don’t know, Squirrel, but think about it. Who marches? Armies. And what do armies do? They invade! We’re going to be invaded, and it’s today!”

Hedgehog had gotten himself so worked up that he started trembling and his spiky fur stood on end. 

“Calm down, Hedgehog. Take a deep breath. Magpie didn’t actually say anything about an army, or about an invasion, right?”

“She didn’t have to. I know who does marching, and why. Come on, Squirrel, we’d better find you a good place to hide.”

“Not just yet,” said Squirrel. “I have an idea. See this tree we’re sitting next to? It’s Owl’s tree. I’ll just climb up to the top and ask Owl to fly around and look for an army. Armies are big, right? And Owl has the best eyes — if anybody can see an army coming this way, it’s Owl.”

“That’s a very good idea, Squirrel. We’ll know which direction the invasion is coming from — and maybe we could just run away instead of hiding. And tell everybody else to run away too. Squirrel, I think you’ve saved us!”

“Slow down, Hedgehog” said Squirrel. “Sit tight for just a minute and I’ll just go see Owl. Don’t go warning anybody until we hear back from her.”

Squirrel dashed up the tree, leaving Hedgehog sitting on the ground, all by himself. He was just starting to worry when Squirrel jumped down. “Owl said she’d do it,” said Squirrel. “She’s already in the air. She said she’d circle around a couple of times and come back to tell us what she saw.”

“Only a couple times?” said Hedgehog. “I’m worried about that not being enough.”

“It’ll be plenty,” said Squirrel, “armies are big, remember?”

“I guess so,” said Hedgehog, “but what if this is a small army?”

“If it’s a small army then we don’t have to worry about much of an invasion,” said Squirrel. 

Hedgehog thought about this. “I guess you’re right,” he said reluctantly.

Hedgehog couldn’t think of anything else to worry about just then, and Squirrel didn’t have anything else to say, for once, so they sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Owl said “I have news.”

Squirrel and Hedgehog jumped in surprise. Owl was perching on a branch not far above them. “Oh! Didn’t hear you arrive,” said Squirrel.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” said Owl. “It’s just the way I fly; doesn’t make much noise. Not like Magpie; you can always hear her flapping. But not me. That’s just the way owls are.”

“What did you see?” asked Hedgehog nervously. “Which direction is the invasion coming from?”

“No direction,” said Owl. “There’s no army anywhere near here. I looked all the way to the horizon, and take it from me; if anybody’s marching in this direction, they’re not very big and they’re all alone. There’s no invasion. At least not anytime soon.”

“I thought so,” said Squirrel. “Owl, would you do us one more favor?”

“Sure, if I can,” said Owl. Now she was interested. Squirrel’s question about armies had been so strange that Owl wanted to find out more.

“Can you find Magpie and ask her to stop by for a minute?”

“That’s easy,” said Owl. “I noticed Magpie during my flight. She’s not far away; I’ll be back in a flash.” Owl took off.

“What if it’s an invisible army?” asked Hedgehog. 

“Now you’re just being silly,” said Squirrel. “There’s no such…” 

Squirrel had been going to explain that there weren’t any invisible armies, but just then Owl and Magpie both landed on the same branch.

“Good morning,” said Magpie, “everybody looking forward to April?”

“What’s ‘April’?” asked Hedgehog. “And where’s the army you were talking about a couple of days ago?”

Magpie blinked. “Army?” she asked. “I wasn’t talking about any armies. Not that I remember. What are you talking about, Hedgehog?”

Hedgehog sighed. “A couple of days ago, Magpie, you said Tuesday — that’s today — was the end of the march. Who marches? Armies. Why do they march? So they can invade something. So if you know about this invasion, tell us more so we can hide or run away. It’s easy for you, Magpie, you can just fly away when the forest gets invaded. But what about the rest of us?”

Magpie ruffled her feathers. “Hedgehog,” she said, “I never said today was the end of the march. I said it was the end of March. The month. As in, tomorrow is the first day of April. That’s why I asked if everybody was looking forward to April.”

Hedgehog gulped. “The month?” he asked.

Magpie nodded.

“Um…” said Hedgehog. “So March is one of these month things, and April is another one?”

Magpie nodded again.

“Well March is a bad name for a month, and what are months good for anyway?” he said loudly. 

“If you think ‘March’ is a bad name, just wait until May,” said Magpie.

“Wait until I may what?” asked Hedgehog.

“May,” said Magpie. 

“Yes, I heard you the first time. May what?”

“No, ‘May’ is another name for a month,” explained Magpie.

Hedgehog blinked. “That’s a bad name too!” he said.

“That’s what I was trying to say.”

“I don’t like months,” said Hedgehog. “They’re just lurking around trying to confuse everyone. The next time I see one I’m going to prick it. So there.” Hedgehog stomped away.

Squirrel looked at Magpie, who looked back at Squirrel. Owl watched them both. “Well, now I guess I AM looking forward to April,” said Squirrel.

“What exactly ARE months good for?” asked Owl.

Squirrel shrugged.“I have no idea,” said Magpie. “Happy Tuesday anyway.”