Pylimitics

"Simplicity" rearranged


Metadrama

“I’m visiting the farm today,” said Raccoon, “do you want to come?”

“Oh I dunno,” said Hare, “what’s going on at the farm?”

“Apples,” said Raccoon. “The first apples are ripe.”

“Now, how do you know that without going there first?” asked Hare.

“Bear told me,” said Raccoon.

“Bear is visiting the forest? And he didn’t stop and say hello?” Hare was indignant.

“No, he told me without visiting,” said Raccoon.

Hare stared at Raccoon. “How did he do that?”

“He told one of the Wrens. Christopher, I think. The one that builds those really fancy nests. And Christopher told me.”

“Oh,” said Hare, “I guess that makes sense. But how does Bear know the apples are getting ripe?”

“I think he can smell them,” said Raccoon.

“Oh come on,” said Hare, “Bear lives all the way up in the mountains, and that’s the opposite direction from the farm. How could he smell those apples from way up there?”

“I don’t know how,” said Raccoon, “I just said I think that’s how he does it.”

“Okay,” said Hare, “I’ll come to the farm with you, but I want to stop at Dog’s house on the way.”

“Dog and Ferret’s house, you mean,” said Raccoon, who was good friends with Ferret.

“Yes, Dog and Ferret’s house,” said Hare. “I want to ask Dog something.”

“Good,” said Raccoon, “maybe Ferret likes apples.”

When Hare and Raccoon got to Dog and Ferret’s house, Hare asked Dog if she could smell the apples getting ripe. “I don’t know,” said Dog. “I never tried. Let’s see.” Dog raised her nose into the air and sniffed a few times.

“Yes,” she said, “there are some apples that are ripe already. But most of them aren’t ready yet. Why, are you visiting the farm?”

“Yup,” said Hare, “but that’s not why I asked you. Bear told Christopher Wren there were ripe apples, and Christopher told Raccoon. Raccoon thinks Bear could smell the ripe apples from up in the mountains.”

“Oh, sure,” said Dog, “that could happen. Bear has a really good nose, you know. And you can never be sure, with smells, how far they’re going to carry on the breeze. One time I smelled bananas, for no particular reason, and when I asked around, Janice and Bugsy Seagull told me there was a ship full of bananas about twenty miles offshore. In the ocean,” she added helpfully, noticing Hare looking confused.

“Oh,” said Hare, “so it depends on the breeze?”

“Seems to,” said Dog. “When you smell something, it’s not like hearing it or seeing it, you know. Smelling something means there are teeny, tiny bits of it that your nose can detect.”

Your nose, you mean,” said Hare. “I can smell things, but not as well as you.”

“That’s all right,” said Dog, “you can hear better than anybody.”

“Guess so,” said Hare. “Anyway, want to come with us to the farm?”

“No thanks,” said Dog, “I have a new bone and I was planning on relaxing and chewing for a while. But maybe Ferret would like to go.”

Raccoon had already found Ferret, who came out riding on her back. “Let’s go pick some apples!” called Ferret.

“Why are you wearing those raggedy looking clothes?” asked Hare. He was beginning to get used to the costumes Ferret like to dress up in, but this getup wasn’t as fancy as usual.

“I’m Johnny Appleseed, of course!” said Ferret. He stood up on Raccoon’s back and did a full turn. “Like it?”

“I guess,” said Hare. “Who’s Johnny Appleseed?”

“A person who planted apple seeds,” said Ferret. “There’s a book in Sally’s room…”

“Okay,” said Hare suspiciously. He thought Ferret usually took things too far. “Let’s get going, Raccoon.”

When they got to the farm, they stopped at the barn to say hello first. Maisy and Hortense were there, talking about cheese. “What’s wrong with Wensleydale?” Maisy was asking. “Oh, hello Hare, and Raccoon. And who is this?”

Ferret hadn’t been to the farm before. “I’m Johnny Appleseed!” he said.

“This is Ferret,” said Hare. “He moved in with Dog not too long ago. And he likes to dress up.”

“It’s called costuming,” said Ferret. “It’s not strictly necessary, of course, but it’s a great help in getting into character.”

“We came to pick some apples,” said Raccoon. “Some of them are ripe already.”

“That’s what Jake and Oliver were saying,” said Hortense. “If you’re going to the orchard, you’ll see them. That’s where they went.”

“Personally,” said Maisy, “I’ve never gotten a taste for apples.”

“Nor have I,” agreed Hortense, “give me a nice field of grass every time, with no apple trees in the way.”

“The shade can be nice, though,” said Maisy.

“It’s the same shade as you get from a nice elm tree,” said Hortense, “and with an elm, there are no apples making a mess in the grass.”

“You make an excellent point,” said Maisy, “although I wonder if the quality of shade from a beech tree might not be superior to both, because the leaves refract the light differently.”

“Oh, I hadn’t considered that,” said Hortense, “and a large beech tree does have a lovely canopy.”

“Quite true,” said Maisy, “the canopy is an important consideration. And that suggests that a stand of oaks might…”

“See you later,” said Hare, and the three escaped the barn.

“By the way,” said Ferret when were just outside the barn, “is it me, or do some of the folks around here seem a bit one-dimensional?”

“What do you mean?” asked Hare.

“It’s just that quite a few of them seem to be pretty much defined by just a couple of traits,” said Ferret. “If they were in a dramatic production, they would be secondary personas inserted just to further the plot; they’re not fully developed characters.”

“Oh,” said Hare.

“It’s no big deal,” said Ferret, “just something I’ve been wondering about. Like Beaver; what does he do that doesn’t have some connection to books? And isn’t it odd that the one who you can’t visit without getting wet is the one with a library? If he was in a comedic production, that would be a Humorous Detail.”

“I guess,” said Raccoon.

Hare could tell that Ferret was just getting warmed up, but luckily they arrived at the orchard, where they saw Jake and Oliver, the horses from the barn.

“Ahoy there,” said Oliver, “the first apples are ripe! Is that why you came?”

“It’s why I came,” said Raccoon. “I love apples.”

“Apples are pretty good,” said Hare, “and there are always some extra carrots over in the carrot patch.”

“I’m Johnny Appleseed!” said Ferret, doing his turn on Raccoon’s back again.

“Pleezed t’meetcha,” said Jake.

“This is really Ferret,” said Hare. “He lives with Dog.”

When everyone was introduced, Jake and Oliver showed them the section of the orchard where ripe apples could be found. But someone was already there.

“Oh, hello Donald, hi Doris,” said Oliver. “Forest folks, meet Donald and Doris Deer. They come visit sometimes. And they like apples.”

“This is the rest of our family,” said Donald, as more deer came into the open. “Dennis, Daisy, Desmond, Denise, David, and Debbie.” One more deer, who was smaller and didn’t look quite like the rest of them, came out from behind an apple tree. “And this is Felix,” said Donald Deer.

Ferret leaned over to whisper into Raccoon’s ear, “that would be another Humorous Detail. They’re turning out to be pretty common around these parts.”

“Of course they are,” said Hare.

Ferret, who had though his whisper was private, looked at Hare in surprise. Hare grinned and waved his long ears at Ferret. Ferret frowned. He thought about his childhood, growing up with a doting mother and a father who was usually cold and distant, too focused on work to pay much attention to Ferret and his siblings. He thought about how that trauma had played out later in his life, leading him to take stupid chances and narrow escapes from the authorities. How one of those adventures had led to him meeting Felicia, his first love, and how it hadn’t worked out because Felicia had come from a rich family whose parents couldn’t accept her relationship with anyone from the lower classes.

Ferret shook his head, irritated. “Geez,” he said to himself, “maybe being one dimensional instead of a fully realized character does save on clichéd exposition.”



About Me

I’m Pete Harbeson, a writer located near Boston, Massachusetts. In addition to writing my own content, I’ve learned to translate for my loquacious and opinionated pup Chocolate. I shouldn’t be surprised, but she mostly speaks in doggerel. You can find her contributions tagged with Chocolatiana.