Pylimitics

"Simplicity" rearranged


September 20

Some things seem important at the time. They might even be remembered, but long-term their effects don’t seem particularly significant. This is the day, for example, that Agnes of Poitou met with Andrew I of Hungary in 1058 (!) to negotiate the border of Burgenland. Agnes was a queen in something vaguely resembling Germany, and Andrew I ruled the Kingdom of Hungary, a medieval area that doesn’t much look like modern-day Hungary. It must have been a good meeting, because they successfully located the border, and Andrew’s son eventually married Agnes’ daughter. 

Oh, and there’s still something called Burgenland, too. It’s now the easternmost state of Austria. The name means “castle land,” and it’s kind of remarkable because it’s changed hands so many times. It’s been part of the Roman Empire, the Hun Empire, the Kingdom of the Ostrogoths, the Kingdom of Odoacer (an Italian monarch), the Kingdom of the Lombards, the Avar Khaganate (bet you never heard of THAT one — the Avars were from Turkey, more or less)…and we’re only about halfway through the list so far, but that’s probably enough. 

They really do have a lot of castles in Burgenland. Some of them are ruins at this point, but possibly the most amazing one is Forchenstein Castle. It’s been owned by the Esterházy family since the 1600s, and includes a secret treasure vault which is (or at least was) filled with actual treasure. You have to have two separate keys to get to into it, and you also have to know where the secret passageway is located. All the family’s best loot was secreted there at the start of WWII — and never discovered. The place is open for tours nowadays, including the Black Tower (which is not black any more) and the 40-foot-deep pit in the dungeon.

Everything about Forchenstein Castle suggests seriousness — when you first spot it on the horizon (it’s on top of a crag 1500 feet up) you say “now there’s a serious castle.” But some things, probably unfortunately, get tagged with names that don’t seem serious at all. For one, the Ragamuffin War, which started on September 20, 1835, in Brazil. 

The Ragamuffin War was the third of the “wars of secession” in Brazil, which at the time was the Brazilian Empire. The “ragamuffins” were the gauchos who were at the center of the fighting; the name came from the fringed leather jackets and chaps they wore. 

George W. Bush liked to portray himself as a Texas rancher, but he never (as far as I could find) went as far as wearing fringed leather. He leaned more toward tailored business suits like the one he wore on September 20, 2001, when he addressed Congress to declare “war on terror.” 

Unlike wars on abstract ideas, wars (and battles) involving actual armies tend to be won or lost. On this day alone, in the Battle of Alma, the British and French won and the Russian troops lost. Harald Hardrada defeated the Earl of Morcar at the Battle of Fulford in 1066. The Confederate Army in the US Civil War won the Battle of Chickamauga. You get the idea. On the other hand, wars declared on an abstract idea like “terror” or “poverty” or “drugs” or “journalism” (that one is undeclared so far), there’s no way to ever win. And for that matter, the US president doesn’t have the authority to declare wars anyway. Maybe the problem is that abstract ideas seldom negotiate, and I can’t think of one able to say “I surrender.” Even bad puns haven’t given up yet, and that’s a war that’s been punishing us for centuries.  

If you can’t be disabused of your notions about waging war on abstract ideas, one option is to read some of the commentaries of Leo Strauss, whose birthday is today. He didn’t have any new ideas of his own, but worked on categorizing the work of actual philosophers in terms of their politics. He maintained…oh never mind, that would take hours. What you really need is to read some of the commentaries of Jay Ward, whose birthday is also today. He implicitly understood that any good abstract idea can only be defeated in an abstract way. Like when Rocky and Bullwinkle defeat the latest nefarious plan devised by Fearless Leader and enacted by Boris and Natasha. Or when Dudley Do-Right rescues Nell from the latest plot hatched by Snidely Whiplash. Or even when Cap’n Crunch … well, does whatever it is that Cap’n Crunch does. Sell more cereal, I suppose. Anyway, Jay Ward came up with all those characters; he was a cartoonist. 

Some events are remembered for a long time, just like that meeting on September 20, 1058. That’s probably because somebody took the trouble to write them down. Ever since there’s been writing, there’s usually been somebody to do it. It took some time after writing was invented, though, for it to occur to people that you could also write down things that didn’t happen. Even wars, border disputes, rebellions, and fights against abstract ideas — and come to think of it, cool medieval castles with secret passages. You know, all the stuff that happens in Game of Thrones, the series based on books by George R. R. Martin. Those might be remembered for a while, and so might Martin’s birthday — which is, of course, today.



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About Me

I’m Pete Harbeson, a writer located near Boston, Massachusetts. In addition to writing my own content, I’ve learned to translate for my loquacious and opinionated puppy Chocolate. I shouldn’t be surprised, but she mostly speaks in doggerel.